I promise that I really am trying not to complain

I know that I've waited a long time to be pregnant. And I shouldn't complain at all about everything that I'm experiencing with this pregnancy. But, dang it, this is my blog - so I'm going to complain for a minute. Don't think that the following rant has in any way, shape or form affected my gratefulness or my amazement at the miracle of this pregnancy.....

With that said, here it goes. There are those people out there who say "Pregnancy was the best time of my life", "All I felt was good during pregnancy" and "Pregnancy was when I have felt the best as a woman". Well, you will never find me saying any of those things. At least not about the first 16 weeks of this pregnancy. When people ask me how I'm feeling, my standard answer is "I'm feel pretty good". But here's what I really want to answer - "I feel bloated, gassy, huge, tired and awkward." I don't feel at all like myself. I feel like I'm HUGE and that my stomach shouldn't be sticking out NEARLY as far as it is at this moment. Thankfully, I've only gained 2lbs (well, I lost 6 in the first 12 weeks and I've only gained 2 of those pounds back), but I feel like I've gained 20. All I want to do is sleep. I'm SO tired - ALL. THE. TIME. Shouldn't I be at least *starting* to feel a little more energy at this point? I feel like I have this huge gas bubble in my belly that is making me horribly bloated. But guess what - it's not gas or bloating, its a BABY. I can't sleep at night, I can't keep my house clean and I can't go anywhere that I'm gone for a long period of time because I can't even function when I get home. I still feel sick at nights (more heartburn now than nausea) but it makes me STILL not want to make dinner. I can't get up the energy to take two children to the grocery store because just the thought of it makes me want to take a nap. Which means that we have absolutely no food in the house. I'm serious - you would be shocked if you came and looked in my fridge right now. Basically, nothing feels "right". I feel totally off kilter and like I'm living outside of my body right now. I think I'm not meant to be pregnant. And I definately don't feel like this is the most fabulous time of my life. Good news - I'm only doing this ONCE.

So, now that I sound like a horrible, horrible person who is so ungrateful for this chance to be pregnant, I'll stop. I AM very thankful, and in the end I know that I will be very, very happy to have the experience. And I know I'll enjoy the outcome. :) I'm just pretty sure I don't really want to do this again.

I've committed myself

No, not to a mental institution (although some days I think I should do that too!).

Today I packed up all the "fat" clothes from before and during my 40lb weight loss journey and I'm hauling them off to the Goodwill. Now, my first thought was "maybe I should keep some of these so that I have some stuff to wear after this pregnancy". But then I realized - that is TOTALLY enabling myself. And I need to stop that! So, today I committed myself to not gaining so much weight during this pregnancy that I need those fat clothes afterwards. Not that I'm going to believe that I'll fit into my skinny clothes right away (don't worry, I'm not THAT dumb) but I'm going to make sure that only having my maternity clothes to wear afterwards and maybe a couple things that I find later at the Goodwill to fill in some gaps becomes a motivator for losing the weight when I'm done with this pregnancy.

So, you've heard it here first. I'm committing myself to a healthy pregnancy, a small (although healthy) amount of weight gain during it, and a motivation for getting back into shape afterwards.

It's not going to be easy - but those fat clothes won't be sitting around waiting for me. Hopefully that will make it easiER.

The baby bump

So, I know that there really isn't much to see here. But being as this is my first pregnancy and it was a LONG awaited one at that - I'm taking advantage of every pregnancy thing I can. :) With that said, I present to you the first of the "baby bump" pictures. The first one is at 9 weeks with nothing there so you have a starting point. Any bump in the first picture is just fat or bloating. LOL

9.5 weeks

This second picture was taken yesterday at one day shy of 14 weeks. :) I know it's not much - but it's MINE! :)

14 weeks

1st Day of School

Today Kaelyn officially started the 2nd grade! One great thing about homeschooling is that you can wear your Darth Vader socks wtih your pink pants and no shoes and no one cares! LOL We had a great day. School started right at 8:30am and we were done by 10:30. :) We built a timeline in the hallway that we'll use throughout the year, started our history/geography notebook, talked about the fact that names have meanings, and did some refresher math pages. It was a good morning and it was even better when Kaelyn said, "I think I'm going to like this year better than I thought!" That is enough for me! I think the hardest part of the year is going to be keeping Cooper quiet for longer than a half a second so I can actually explain something to Kaelyn. We'll see how that goes!

12 weeks

I'm pretty sure that everyone that reads this blog already knows this, but just in case....

Jeff and I found out at the beginning of July that we are expecting our third child. Biologically. After 10 years of no birth control and a miracle of God, I am actually pregnant. And amazingly enough am having a "boring, normal pregnancy" according to my midwives. LOL At this point I'm officially 12 weeks along (well, a couple days past 12 weeks) and am due around March 11th.

Even after an ultrasound at 8 weeks, lots of weeks of being nauseous 24/7, taking humongous prenatal vitamins and hearing the baby's heartbeat beating as strong as can be - it's still very surreal. It's hard for me to believe that this is happening to ME!

I think I MIGHT believe it when I can feel the baby move and when I am as big as a truck. LOL We'll see.