I know that I've waited a long time to be pregnant. And I shouldn't complain at all about everything that I'm experiencing with this pregnancy. But, dang it, this is my blog - so I'm going to complain for a minute. Don't think that the following rant has in any way, shape or form affected my gratefulness or my amazement at the miracle of this pregnancy.....
With that said, here it goes. There are those people out there who say "Pregnancy was the best time of my life", "All I felt was good during pregnancy" and "Pregnancy was when I have felt the best as a woman". Well, you will never find me saying any of those things. At least not about the first 16 weeks of this pregnancy. When people ask me how I'm feeling, my standard answer is "I'm feel pretty good". But here's what I really want to answer - "I feel bloated, gassy, huge, tired and awkward." I don't feel at all like myself. I feel like I'm HUGE and that my stomach shouldn't be sticking out NEARLY as far as it is at this moment. Thankfully, I've only gained 2lbs (well, I lost 6 in the first 12 weeks and I've only gained 2 of those pounds back), but I feel like I've gained 20. All I want to do is sleep. I'm SO tired - ALL. THE. TIME. Shouldn't I be at least *starting* to feel a little more energy at this point? I feel like I have this huge gas bubble in my belly that is making me horribly bloated. But guess what - it's not gas or bloating, its a BABY. I can't sleep at night, I can't keep my house clean and I can't go anywhere that I'm gone for a long period of time because I can't even function when I get home. I still feel sick at nights (more heartburn now than nausea) but it makes me STILL not want to make dinner. I can't get up the energy to take two children to the grocery store because just the thought of it makes me want to take a nap. Which means that we have absolutely no food in the house. I'm serious - you would be shocked if you came and looked in my fridge right now. Basically, nothing feels "right". I feel totally off kilter and like I'm living outside of my body right now. I think I'm not meant to be pregnant. And I definately don't feel like this is the most fabulous time of my life. Good news - I'm only doing this ONCE.
So, now that I sound like a horrible, horrible person who is so ungrateful for this chance to be pregnant, I'll stop. I AM very thankful, and in the end I know that I will be very, very happy to have the experience. And I know I'll enjoy the outcome. :) I'm just pretty sure I don't really want to do this again.
5 comments:
You are so very NOT ungrateful! Those women who had "great" pregnancies just don't want to tell you what it was really like. I've had six pregnancies, two ended badily and three were uneventful. My final pregnancy was CRAP! Absolute crap! I had all the symptoms. I was (and still am!) tired all the time. And don't get me started on wacky hormones!
Every pregnancy is different. Some are great. Some are not. You are not a horrible person. You are beautiful and grateful and a wonderful mother. And you'll forget the past nine months when you hold pure joy in your arms... at least that's what they tell me. :D
Oh Amy...don't worry about "not sounding grateful". Most of the time I am grateful that I did NOT have to be pregnant. Pregnancy does really crappy things to the body sometimes. Sometimes I see those women who have just a baby basketball belly and they are jogging along on their marathon while they chat on the blackberry about the ball they are planning to welcome the pope to their home and I think "holy crap. HOW are they doing that? I can't even do that without a baby in there".
That a woman can even get out of bed while they are vomiting, carry a human in their belly, having reflux, getting headaches, and peeing every 5 minutes is amazing to me.
Don't you worry girl....you complain when you want to! I do hope that the icky stuff goes away soon!
You deserve the right to complain, doesn't mean you are ungrateful. I'm one of those women who had an easy PG nothing to complain about but for fear that something would go wrong and I'd be disappointed I didn't enjoy it as much as I wish I had but have no desire for another baby.
I was really tired in the beginning and then my energy came back for the 2nd tri and then disappeared again in the 3rd. I bet you will start feeling better soon and if not you have every right to bitch about it. ((HUGS))
You have every right to complain! It doesn't make you any less grateful for the miracle. Plus, the people who love you and care about you want to know the truth, not some made-for-TV fairy tale version of it. If you feel yucky, we want to know! I hope you don't feel yucky for very much longer though. :)
Don't feel bad about complaining- pregnancy is very hard for some people. I have always had very rough pregnancies with morning sickness going well into my 3rd trimester, bad heartburn, and such bad pubic symphysis pain that for two of my pregnancies there were times when I could barely walk. So... as much as I am grateful to God for giving me the boys, I know just how you feel about hating pregnancy because that's me, too :) The weird thing, though... and you might discover this in about a year from now, is that you forget all this very quickly and you get this funny desire to rush right back into pregnancy again. At least that's something I've felt... well, four times now, but I'm pretty sure we're done unless we decide to adopt :)
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