WARNING: Here is the post where I whine a LOT, complain about my children and sound totally and completely ungrateful for my life. So, if you don't want to read about that, then please skip over this post entirely because it will just depress you.
I'm feeling awful this week. It's a combination of things - PMS, the middle of winter blues (which happens to me EVERY year), the lack of money, the amount of debt, the economy, and a two year old who is getting new molars. I want to cry at the drop of a hat. Jeff says one thing to me (like last night asking me to put the silverware in the dishwasher differently - totally not a big deal) and I feel like all I want to do is climb into bed and not get out of it for about a week. I feel like a horrible mom because I don't get down on the floor and do puzzles ALL DAY LONG with my 2 year old. Heck, I haven't even done that for 5 minutes in the last couple weeks. I feel like a horrible mother because my 7 year old is sassy and lazy. I feel like a horrible teacher because we aren't doing school today because we had a horrible trip to the grocery store this morning (imagine screaming toddler for an hour in a public place) and I'm just too emotionally tired to argue with my daughter about doing her phonics work. She did weigh everything at the grocery store - does that count as school?
Anyway, I get in this cyclical thought process. I really feel like I need a vacation. Somewhere sunny, without kids, where I can just veg, read a book, and actually SEE my spouse for longer than 10 minutes without a computer or the phone coming between us. But then I remember how much money we DON'T have and how we will never be able to afford a vacation like this for, oh say, another 10 years. Depressing. Completely depressing.
My kids are driving me to the brink of insanity. Cooper is getting his two year molars and has master the WHINE. Nothing drives me more crazy that whining. Every. Single. Thing. is whining or "no". I love the kid, but MAN is he annoying right now. Geesh.
Kaelyn has been testing the waters to see how far she can push us. Thankfully, she is helpful 95% of the time. But the other 5% feels like I'm dealing with a teenager. I'm so not prepared for those teen years with a girl.
And all this complaining and whining on my own part depress me even more. The amount of guilt I feel for just THINKING these things makes me more depressed. I feel like I'm so ungrateful. Like I just need a swift kick in the pants. I feel like I'm such a horrible person for not feeling all gushy and mushy over my family and my kids right now. I stink.
So, there you have it. My super, duper whiney post. I'm sure you are so glad you read this, huh?
Oh, and by the way... Happy Birthday mom! LOL
6 comments:
You're not a bad mom and you're not ungrateful. You're perfectly normal. I think you just need a break.
I adore my kids, but if I don't get away from them every now and again, I go insane. When I find myself getting short tempered with them frequently or dreading the next "Mom can you play with me" then I know it's time for a break. Even if it's leaving the kids with Jens for a weekend and driving to see a friend. I come back refreshed and ready to handle the daily routines again.
Also, if you don't already have one, I recommend getting a debit/credit card that accrues frequent flier miles so you can earn free trips from money you're spending anyway. We did that and this year we're taking a virtually free trip to Singapore.
Best of wishes, and hoping you get a break soon.
Guess what? I feel the same way. Vent all you want and don't for a minute feel guilty about it. You know deep down you love your kids and family (and we all know you love your family). But sometimes (in my case very frequently) you just want to scream... so scream and let it out. Don't hold it in. Teach your kids how to deal with the frustration instead of supressing it. As for a vacation... I've been waiting for mine for 8+ years. Now go kiss your kids and give them 3 reasons why you love them. :D
Oh,I so wish I was closer, or you were here, so I could take your kids for the day. I'm sorry. Don't feel bad, we've all been there. I'd wonder at moms who don't second guess and wonder if they're doing a good job. Comes with the territory. Hope you can schedule a regular break. Time alone and time with your man. I used to think I didn't need it, but it builds up!!
You are the best mom for those 2, God knew it when He gave them to you.
Keep looking up!
SUsan (you have free room and board in AZ, just have to get here!)
You are in the company of many "bad" mom, some of whom have kids who grew up to be pretty terrific people, parents, friends, etc. Trust me, I know, 'cuz I'm one of them! Love you!
Oh Amy, you are not at all alone. You can always drop the kids off at the front door and keep driving. Then I will be the momma going crazy.
No really, I mean it. I know all moms feel exactly what you are feeling. Who are we trying to fool, when we try to appear as if we never have bad days, weeks, or months. Thinking of you.
Hello? did you wake up in my world today? You are perfectly normal for feeling like this from time to time. This time of the year isn't fun either. The hardest part if how to get out of the rut. Hang in there!
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